The world lives and breathes normally, but does nothing else with sanity.

Thrown before swine, torn by dogs.

What species is this that cures itself with disease.

Greatest friends become greatest enemies, exerting hate and love, meant to be crushed on both sides.

Positive thoughts have not produced food or water, less dirt, less hunger, outraged skies with calmer winds.

The poor, the put down, the hungry, did not think themselves into their conditions.

No child who cannot tell time can willfully think his or herself into rank circumstances

Nor do their mothers

And it pisses me off that any adult with pompous logic swelled by pious pride would insinuate or directly imply otherwise.

Justice turning backwards on itself, forgetting it can never really have friends.

Mercy corrupted, as one good intention, and compassion concerted, is dealt in unequal does, and one fewer breath results.

No stigma attached to the healthy and happy, who forget what's healthy, and those not happy, then never know why they're not happy.

Ease with restrictions, comets and the mercurial flesh, have less do do with everything, more to do with nothing.

The earth and the world divided.

And only one knows its true place.


Copyright Karen Gail. 2012.

I was very saddened to discover that Mary Kennedy ended her own life. I would never do it, but I have been in that place many many times. Eventually you can't tell people anymore, because you feel like all you do is exhaust them, or it will SOS, different day. It's a very dark, sad place to be. This is a rather callous world. You can have all the blessings in the world, and still feel cursed every minute you're awake, whether it be your chemical makeup or your circumstances. Pep talks and scared straight monologues can't cure pain. Only God can do that.

My prayers are with her family. I'm so sorry.

He thinks it’s funny.

He smirks, than laughs. Then his face grows serious. He laughs again.  He didn’t know I was there. I was hidden behind the back of the bus stop, looking for shade. I emerged after the commotion started, but before I could ask her if she was ok.

I stare at him.

Stares carry weight. They’re uncomfortable, unnerving, birthing the conscious thought to be left home. Very few can stare back with ease, and the ones who do are the ones to be worried about.

He pretends to  still be watching his victim limp away, knowing she is long gone.  He casts sideways glances at me while laughing.

The pennies he’s thrown sit on the ground. A dime was tossed in among them. They hit her legs hard from the angle of the car window. She quickly ran, rubbing her calves and eyes while he and his buddies called her whore. A reflex reaction that seemed to indicate it had happened before, to both parties. This happens often to the prostitutes, whether it be daylight or dead of night. There is always someone willing to draw judgement and make believe they have a right to their actions, no matter how cruel.

 Why one of them got out of the car, I don’t know.  They all laugh again, and one rubs his nose.  I want to say something, make a speech about how every woman is somebody’s daughter. But I don’t. I sit down. I continue to stare.

He spits.

“Would you have gotten out if she had stayed where she was? Or would you have just kept driving?” I ask.

“Who cares, she’s a whore.” He says.

“That’s not what I asked.”

He curses and asks me who I think I am.

“Someone you can throw pennies at from a close angle” I respond.

He glares, shifting from foot to foot. He’s not angry. He’s scared but pretending to be angry while pretending to be justified.

“This is stupid” he announces, than walks toward his car. His buddies look bored. They are non-descript, no particular style or type, save that  the loud one has a cliché armband tribal tattoo.  I am not sure which element of this scenario he finds stupid, but I welcome that this imminent revelation is a prelude to a departure.

As he gets in, he turns to me.

“You should be careful, this is not always a safe place,” he says.

He is sincere.

I look for the woman to see if she is ok, but she is now long gone.  I return to wait, this time without hiding,

The whole world aches for beauty. Immortality through skin and bones. The 2^nd law of Thermodynamics. Eventually all warmth turns cold. Mankind understands now, that good is not found in souls and hearts, except through God, and tries to steal His glory by aiming towards the lower functions: The flesh and the eyes. Take it, and you can mold a creature so lovely, that scores will proclaim a statement, praise it as good, overwhelm its function. But it has none, but to be perceived as lovely. These distractions will divert from the real, the purposeful, the truly intended for need. The flesh that is not praised will die quicker, harder, and more alone. The gorgeous elements will be perceived as good, whether their intentions were sincere, or noble, or meant only for increasing the perception of its beauty.

The eye sees what it wants, takes what it wants, and the vanity of those who worship it are left as ugly as the dust.

All engines turn cold.

This is what the world is. People looking at their reflections in mud pies and calling it crystal. I'm too old for angst, and when you're too old for angst, you become like Sylvia Plath's tree, noticing the leaves have turned brown and blown away, the branches, you hope, aiming towards heaven anyway.

And people wonder where I am, my ambitions. I could have written a hundred books, launched a thousand rebellions. But I can never be famous apart from Christ. This life was never my own. I never wanted it to be. I live a thousand moments in my worry, small substitutions for big plans. Plans that may never be mine, or even lucid dreams. Because I have substituted the goals of heaven for 10 second glee rushes, that break fast and rarely even.

I can't evoke desire or longing, not in my stares or nods, or full front staged Can Can productions to solicit an emotion in minds that should never enter my garden. Not without aching from the crick in my neck, turning me to salt. A novelty of choice, but only ever a novelty.  There are already too many seasoned statues too take my place.

For persecuted and imprisoned brothers and sisters in Christ:


Vietnam:

Y Wo Nie
Arrested: August 2004
Days Imprisoned: 2419

Uzbekistan:

Tohar Haydarov
Arrested: March 2010
Days Imprisoned: 390

Turkmenistan:

Ilmurad Nurliev
Arrested: August 2010
Days Imprisoned: 219


Thank you for praying!!

As always, thank you for praying. For more regarding the following people, please visit prisoneralert.com

Sonia Keshish-Avanesian:
Location: Iran (Islamic Republic of)
Arrested: September 2010

Arash Kermanjani: Location:
 Iran (Islamic Republic of) Arrested: September 2010

Arezo Teymouri:
Location: Iran (Islamic Republic of)
Arrested: September 2010

Vahik Abrahamian:
 Location: Iran (Islamic Republic of)
Arrested: September 2010

All of these people are currently persecuted and imprisoned for their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Please remember them and pray for them. Thank you so much. Go to persecution.org and prisoneralert.com for more information and updates.

Haile Nayzgi:
Location: Eritrea
Arrested: May 2004
Days Imprisoned: 2473

Kidane Weldou
Location: Eritrea
Arrested: March 2005
Days Imprisoned: 2174

Dr. Kiflu Gebremeskel
Location: Eritrea
Arrested: May 2004
Days Imprisoned: 2473

Pastor Youcef Nardarkhani
Location: Iran (Islamic Republic of)
Arrested: October 2009
Days Imprisoned: 506

Tohar Haydarov

Location: Uzbekistan
Arrested: March 2010
Days Imprisoned: 358


Imran Ghafur
Location: Pakistan
Arrested: July 2009
Days Imprisoned: 609

Y Wo Nie
Location: Vietnam
Arrested: August 2004
Days Imprisoned: 2387


Asia Bibi
Location: Pakistan
Arrested: June 2009
Days Imprisoned: 621

Zhang Huamei
Location: China
Arrested: November 2009
Days Imprisoned: 462

Yang Caizhen
Location: China
Arrested: November 2009
Days Imprisoned: 462


Yang Xuan
Location: China
Arrested: November 2009
Days Imprisoned: 462


Pastor Wang Xiaoguang 
Location: China
Arrested: November 2009
Days Imprisoned: 462


Yang Rongli
Location: China
Arrested: November 2009
Days Imprisoned: 462

La Viva 30s. And so on. Key points to getting older.

When your dad asks in all sincerity "What's a Lady Gaga?" you start understanding exactly how he feels. Because before you added her to your IPOD, you didn't know either.

Remember those 4 inch heels you used to rock every day? Oh yeah, no. That being said, I can only bring myself to wear sneakers when I go running. I am loosening up though. I would like some Converse or Vans. My limit on height now is 3 inches, though.

 

Other peoples’ opinions are weighted against their character and actions. And if either one is lacking, I say “psh, you don’t pay my bills.”

You pick your battles wisely. You have to let other people be who they are going to be. Unless they are directly or indirectly harming you. For the most part, life is too short to argue with someone over the little things. You can't change people. And honestly, would you want them changing you?

 

I won’t stop living my life because you do not like my existence. People who call you revolting names, threaten violence and harm, or generally scream to scream, have no power over you. My soul and life belong to God, and no mortal entity can ever change that. When I say I am a frequent target for rage, I am not kidding. There have been times I have been minding my own business and some man I have never met before has berated me or threatened me or grabbed me. For example, one day while leaving work, a guy opened his car door and screamed “slut” at me, while he was driving. Now I realize my Ann Taylor cardigan and slacks screamed “loose morals” but still. I am a small woman who usually goes places by herself, and maybe that makes me an easy target. Maybe some people feel I deserve this. Maybe I do. Whatever it is, I will not hate you, I will pray for you. God loves you. That is not me being pious, those are the words of a sinner who needs a Savior.

 

You can play all the video games you played as a teenager. Except you’re old enough to appreciate the much-improved technology and gizmology.

 

You can be completely nice while also having boundaries. “No” is an answer, not a prelude to an explanation.

 

You know can’t save every stray dog or cat, but you sure can try.

 

You learn to choose your home based on whether or not there’s an HOA. If I wanna put a put a fake flamingo and a garden gnome in my yard, then I am gonna put a fake flamingo and a garden gnome in my yard. Heck, I’ll put a Mariachi Band in my yard if I feel like it. You’re never too old to resist conformity.

 

 

You no longer care if you have a panty line. If you’re looking down there, you deserve to see whatever you get. Dental floss underwear should only be used in emergencies, and I cannot think of an emergency that would warrant its uses. Likewise, you start wearing the Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy bras less and less. Because when you spend five days a week, and up to 10-12 hours at work, you don’t want your chin in your cleavage. And yes, some are very familiar with my VS tangents. The other day I was there, and some guy with his shirt open was standing in front of the dressing rooms, just hanging out. I wanted to tell him to go down to Sears and buy a complete shirt. You never see this happen at Target. Yes, yes, I know there is a different stigma attached to VS, but in a world so full of blatant sexuality, I have to wonder at what point the novelty wears off, and the gleeful couples skipping in realize they’re paying 30 bucks for a piece of fabric that could be used as a sling shot. IN AN EMERGENCY. Oooooooo… Sorry, I just cracked myself up. I don’t know what men find sexy. I don’t care. I just want to buy my pantaloons with a complete absence of creepiness. I am not saying guys can’t come in the store, just wear a shirt and look like you feel weird about being there.

 

When a complete stranger at the grocery store chastises you for buying Yoplait yogurt instead of Activia, you can say to her with complete confidence “I eat Twizzlers for breakfast.” (And yes, that actually happened. On both accounts.)

 

When the overzealous sales guy at GNC tries to sell you on the 108.00 store brand fat burner, you can politely say “No thank you.” If that doesn’t work, you can go to the women’s organic health section for PMS until it gets awkward enough for him to leave.  This is why I like Hi Health. The guy there says I don’t need fat burners.

Godbless you my fellow Zonies

Christina Green, 9.

"“From the very beginning, she was an amazing child,” her mother said. “She was very bright, very mature, off the charts. She was the brightest thing that happened that day.”  her mother said, referring to her date of birth.

'She was an athlete, a good dancer, a good gymnast, a good swimmer, 'her mother said. 'She belonged to Kids Helping Kids charity and tried to help children less fortunate.'" (nytimes.com)

She was also the only girl on her Little League Team and recently elected to the student council at Mesa Verde Elementary school.

Gabe Zimmerman, 30.

"Gabe was a social worker. He had a master’s degree in social work. He was a social worker who was doing his work for a member of Congress. Social workers help people for a living. Gabe helped people for a living. ..And so here’s this 30 year old guy who was wise beyond his years and dedicated and loyal and determined. He was there to help people. Medicare benefits, veterans benefits—these are the things that we do, day in and day out, that never get any press attention. The discussion of bills, that gets press attention. A vote on a controversial bill, that will get press attention." C.J. Karamargin, spokesman for Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords. (source tucsonweekly.com)

John Roll, 63.

"I have never met a more sincere ... fair minded, brilliant federal judge or any judge for that matter in my whole life," Pima County Sheriff Clarence Dupnik said.

'Judge Roll was a widely respected jurist, a strong and able leader of his court, and a kind, courteous and sincere gentleman,' said Chief Judge Alex Kozinski of the 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals, the federal circuit that includes Arizona. 'He worked tirelessly to improve the delivery of justice to the people of Arizona.'

Roll was a Pennsylvania native who got his law degree from the University of Virginia. He is survived by his wife, Maureen, three sons, and five grandchildren. (source huffintonpost.com)


Phyliss Schneck, 79.

A grandmother originally from New Jersey, she retired in Tucson.

"For the past decade, 79-year-old Phyllis Schneck has spent her winters in sunny Tucson, away from her home state of New Jersey. Eventually she became an Arizona resident, taking up with the town's robust community of retirees.

A widow who had been married to Edward Schneck for 56 years until his death, Schneck had been a homemaker, loved making crafts and remained devoted to her family. 'She was a woman that got married in the early 1950s, and she did all of that June Cleaver stuff' Schneck's daughter Phyllis Rautenberg said fondly. 'She loved Tucson and had lots of friends there, and spent lots of time at her church.'"

She has 3 children, 7 grandchildren and one great-granddaughter. (Source Washington Post)

Dorothy "Dot" Morris, 76. She had been married to her high school sweet heart, George, who was is in critical condition. "Described as inseparable, friends say George would oftentimes refer to Dorothy as his girlfriend. It wasn't uncommon to hear him call her his bride as well. "He and Dorothy were one of these devoted couples that were always together." A friend says "She was the kind of woman who was a family person and a good wife." (ktvn.com)

Dorwan Stoddard, 76. He was in line with his wife Mavy, when the event took place. He tried to shield her from open fire and died  trying to save her life. Mavy was wounded but is expected to recover.

"The couple ran the church's benevolence ministry, which aids community members who fall on hard times. "They were like social workers, mentoring these folks," a friend said.

"Dorwan and Mavy loved telling the story of how they knew each other while growing up in Tucson. One had a crush on the other, but they went their separate ways, marrying other people. The pair didn't find each other again until later in life. They would have celebrated their 15th anniversary next month." (Source azcentral.com)